幸福親密關係有三個重要的元素

幸福親密關係有三個重要的元素。
（一）愛。愛不僅僅是一種感覺，愛更是一種抉擇和行動，決定讓自己和對方的生命皆能有成長，並且把這個決定付之行動。你的所做所為是不是能夠讓一個人成長，如果不是那就不是愛。

根據一項科學的研究，愛一個人的感覺只能維持18月就沒有了，因此愛若只是一種感覺就不能持久；所以愛要（學習）經營，好比存款，不是只有提款，一定還要存。

（二）尊重。不同並不是不好，對彼此的不同要能夠尊重。凡是與雙方有關的事情，決不要單方面決定，一定要詢問並尊重對方的意見和感受。

夫妻之間或親人之間看法不同是很正常的，因為大家來自不同的原生家庭，不同不代表不好，也不代表一定有衝突。往往不同只是因為看事情的角度不同而已。

（三）溝通。不溝通就必定會產生誤解，雙方要了解彼此的想法或達成共識的前提就是要進行良好的溝通。真誠的溝通不是我在心裡面已經有一個決定了（預設立場）才去和你溝通，這樣的溝通就變得虛偽，只是要去說服，而不是去溝通。

最後，親密關係溝通成功七律：
第一律──"如其所是"的接納對方。（愛他／她本來的樣子）
第二律──經常表達對對方的感激之意。（記得喔！天下沒有理所當然的事！）
第三律──真誠的溝通。
第四律──與對方分享並探索彼此的差異。
第五律──支持對方的目標。
第六律──給對方犯錯的權利。
第七律──將渴望轉化為目標。

我們常常聽人說"因為了解而分開"、"我們性格合不來"等話，其實世界上絕對沒有完全相同性格的人，許多人往往都是跟自己心裡理想的人（幻想的對像）結婚，總是在心裡以為或盤算等結了婚之後，我再慢慢的去改變他／她，說穿了這只是自欺欺人而結婚，認清事實而分開！

我非常贊同老師說的一句話：這世界上 沒有天經地義的事，一切都是我們決意做的。意思就是說，天底下沒有一件事是本來就應該這樣的，任何人做任何一件事都是一個決定，下意識的決定。

3 IMPORTANT FACTORS FOR HAVING HAPPINESE AND CLOSE RELATIONSHIP
1) Love. - Love is not just a feeling itself, but it is a decision and action, a decision to enable
the possibility of both couples' 'life' to be grown.
- Moreover, we must put this decision into actions,if the things you have done can't
make the other party to be grown, it means this is not called love.
- According to a experiment test, the feeling of love towards a person can only be last
for 18 mths, therefore if love is just a feeling will not last forever;
We need to learn/manager, as same as deposit, not only withdraw but is to deposit.
2) Respect - Differences not equal to Bad, we have to respect the differences of both
parties. We should ask/discuss with the other party's opinion and feelings before
making any decision that is related to both parties.
- It is normal for the different point of views/opinions happend in both couple's
family or relatives. It is because of both came from diffrent family. Different
doesn't mean not good, it is not neccessary to have conflict. Most of the time,
the differences just because of the different point of view to the things that's all.
3) Communicate - No communication resulted in misunderstanding, a well communication
must be held in order to understand both parties' thoughts or to
reach agreement.
- A sincere communication is not to set up own stand point of view in the 1st
place then only approach to communicate, this kind of communication
become hypocritical, it just to convince instead of communicate.

At last, the 7 rules towards a close relationship
1)Accept and love what she/he is. ( The origin of him/her)
2)Express the appreciation to her/him oftenly. ( Remember! Nothing is ought to be in this world)3)Sincere communicate.
4)Share with him/her then to discover the difference of both parties.
5)Support him/her's goals.
6)Allow him/her to have the authority to make mistake.
7)Transform the craving to goals.

We are used to be people say "seperate because of understood", 'our characteristics are not suitable to each other',etc. In fact, it is impossible to have a 100% in same characteristics persons in this world. People always married with the person/spouse in their heart( imagination spouse), she/he is always thinking of changing her/him spouse after married, however it is just to cheat him/herself and people to be married,seperate is because of facing the truth.

There is not such thing of 'ought to be' in this world, all the things depend on our decisions to be reacted. I am not good in translation, but I've just hope the positive messagecan be passed to those english educated people. To me, all the while i failed on the very 1st rule, i am willingto change and learn. 2) communicate...yeah, sometimes i was having a hypocraticalcommuncation instead of sincere communication way. Now, i promise myself to change and learn it, I believe one daythe people around me will happy for me.....( the most importantis i happy for the initiative of changes of myself ^^)